Subject: Self-introduction

Dear Professor Brad,
My name is Andy Ashley Tan Qing Feng, I am writing this letter as an introductory of myself so you will be able to know more about me.

I graduated from Nanyang Polytechnic in 2017 with a Diploma of Aeronautical and Aerospace Technology. Even though I prefer to continue my studies in Aerospace Engineering, I pick Mechanical Engineering is because the course itself gives me a wider variety of choices in engineering field as comapared to Aerospace Engineering. I have an interest in sports, especially soccer and frisbee. Playing sports allows me to destress and keeps my mood in check, enabling me to focus in my studies.

The difficulties I have is not being able to complete my sentence and delivering a piece of information properly to a large audience. During national service, I was posted as a trainer and was assigned to conduct a lesson on the components of a tank to a group of cadets. I had difficulties conducting the lesson due to my messy delivery of speech and my improper English. I had to repeat myself several times to ensure the cadets understands. For me to deliver the lesson properly, I worked on how to speak in proper English and practice on delivering the lesson to my peers beforehand. With all the practice I had, I was able to communicate well with my superior and teach cadets well.

After realizing that I was not good at communicating well, I believe that communicating properly and letter writing is important as it is a life skill that will help me in the future. Therefore, the goals I wish to learn at the end of this module is to improve on my letter writing, communicating better than before and the confidence in delivering an information.

Best regards,
Andy Ashley Tan Qing Feng


Edited 22/1/2020

Comments

  1. AloysiusJanuary 15, 2020 at 6:52 AM

    Dear Sgt Andy,


    please allow me to highlight a few points from your letter.

    Verb tenses usage ie 'I chose to study Mechanical Engineering' instead of 'I choose'.
    Verb tenses usage ie 'I had difficulties conducting' instead of 'I was having difficulties in conducting'
    Usage of 'helps relieve stress' would be preferred compared to 'destress'.


    Regards,
    Aloysius

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AndyAshleyTanJanuary 22, 2020 at 4:57 AM

      Dear Aloysius,

      Thank you for highlighting the mistakes I made! I appreciate it!

      Regards,
      Andy

      Delete
  2. Adley PereiraJanuary 15, 2020 at 9:44 AM

    Hello Andy,

    I see that you have made the same mistake as me in "capitalization .... Best Regards". I hope we can have a meaningful and memorable experience in our effective communications class.

    Best regards,
    Adley

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AndyAshleyTanJanuary 22, 2020 at 4:57 AM

      Dear Adley,

      Thank you for highlighting the mistake I made! I appreciate it!

      Regards,
      Andy

      Delete
  3. Ahmad AmzarJanuary 15, 2020 at 5:11 PM

    Dear Andy,

    Through your introduction letter, I can clearly tell that you are an active person and your lack of communication skills was elaborated and backed up with a real-life experience.

    Regards,
    Ahmad

    ReplyDelete
  4. calvinAngJanuary 20, 2020 at 8:45 PM

    Dear Andy,

    Hi, I am Calvin Ang. To my surprise, i am shocked that you have two english name where majority of us either have only one or no english name at all.

    I happen to came across to your blogspot through your peers contact and i had read it thoroughly.
    I do find some pointers where you can improve on which is your choice of words that you phrase in your sentence and also your vocabulary.

    In addition, when you stated you graduated from"Nanyang Polytechnic in 2017 with a Diploma of Aeronautical and Aerospace Technology." I strongly believe there is no need to capitalize everything, and only to capitalize if it is a name or rather the name of the course.

    Why i say you can improve in your choice of word in your phrasing of sentences is because when you said you picked Mechanical Engineering is because it has the "broadest" engineering field. Firstly, i don't think such word exist though with the broad"est" at the back and perhaps you could rephrase it better such as, " you pick mechanical engineering is because the course itself give you a wider variety of choices in engineering field as compared to aerospace engineering.

    All in all, i do strongly believe that you can definitely gain a lot of experience and skills in this upcoming module, and lets work hard together for it!

    Best regards,
    Calvin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AndyAshleyTanJanuary 22, 2020 at 4:57 AM

      Dear Calvin,

      Thank you for highlighting the mistakes I made! I appreciate it!

      Regards,
      Andy

      Delete
  5. Benjamin AngJanuary 21, 2020 at 6:44 AM

    Dear Andy,

    I am Benjamin, your buddy for paraphrasing in our effective communication class. I had the chance to read your introductory letter and please allow me to share what I have observed.

    Firstly for content, I think you may have missed out on your strengths in communication. Other than that I feel that it is good as it allows me to know a lot about you just from reading the first paragraph.

    Secondly, for structure, I think it is quite adequate as each paragraph is nicely split into your different parts of your introduction.

    Lastly, for your language, I believed there are a few points that can be adjusted. For the third paragraph, "delivering an information properly" can be changed to delivering a piece of information properly or just delivering information properly and "practice on delivering" should just be practice delivering. For the last paragraph, "not good in communicating", can be changed to not good at communicating.

    Overall, I think it was a well-written letter and I hope my observations were helpful. Thank you for taking the time to read this reply.

    Best regards,
    Benjamin Ang




    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AndyAshleyTanJanuary 22, 2020 at 4:58 AM

      Dear Benjamin,

      Thank you for highlighting the mistakes I made! I appreciate it!

      Regards,
      Andy

      Delete
  6. Chan Cheng BoonJanuary 22, 2020 at 9:21 AM

    Dear Andy,

    Thank you for your insightful letter and I had an easy time going through the content which makes it very light and enjoyable. The content flow was good as it was very well organised, hence making it easy to read. However, in my opinion, there were a few pointers that I would like to highlight to you in terms of language.

    1) There is an issue with the preposition in “choices in engineering field” where a “the” can be added in before “engineering” making it “choices in the engineering field”.

    2) There is also a misuse of the word “introductory” as it is an adjective. Therefore introduction” should be used instead.

    3) In the last paragraph, “confidence in delivering an information” can be changed to “confidence in delivering a piece of information” or just “information” because it is an uncountable noun therefore it can only be one or in a general form.

    4) Lastly, just a minor spelling error in paragraph two, “comapared”.

    Other than that, it looks great to me and thank you for such an insightful letter as I got to know you better through it.

    Best regards,
    Chan Cheng Boon

    ReplyDelete
  7. Adley PereiraJanuary 22, 2020 at 3:40 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Adley PereiraJanuary 22, 2020 at 3:41 PM

    Dear Andy,

    I am part of your blogging group in our Effective Communications Module. Let me share with you my thoughts on your letter of introduction.

    I liked how you wrote about how you improved your communication skills when communicating with your cadets but I do not see the part where you show me your strengths.

    You have typed wrongly the word "compared" in your 2nd paragraph. You wrote "comapared".

    Cheers,
    Adley

    ReplyDelete
  9. Brad BlackstoneJanuary 23, 2020 at 5:58 PM

    Dear Andy,

    Thanks for this concise and generally clear letter. I especially enjoyed learning about your NS experience and how, because you had to do training and had had one bad session, you were forced to devlop a new approach to your instruction.

    I this letter, you seem to touch on all the points of the assignment except, as one reader observed, a strength in communication. I will credit you though in receiving lots of useful feedback.

    Here are a couple of other points for you to consider, related to sentence structure and grammar:
    -- My name is Andy Ashley Tan Qing Feng, I am writing this letter as an introductory of myself so you will be able to know more about me. > (comma splice)
    -- I had to repeat myself several times to ensure the cadets understands. > (abbreviated sentence structure/verb tense)
    I had to repeat myself several times to ensure that the cadets understood me.
    -- ...the goals ... is to improve on my letter writing, communicating better than before and the confidence in delivering an information. > (subject-verb disagreement/lack of parallel structures)
    ...the goals ... are to improve on my letter writing, communicate better than before and develop confidence in delivering an information.

    I look forward to reading more of your writing.

    Cheers,

    Brad

    ReplyDelete

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